The holiday season has passed; we’ve unset our tables, put away our decorations, and hung up our ‘host’ hats for the foreseeable future. Now that we’ve made it to this point, let’s talk about how we handle holiday traditions the next time around.

Holiday traditions are a precious element for many people. Traditions rekindle beloved memories, keep us close to loved ones both alive and passed, and provide a solid connection to history and culture. However, it's also pretty well-known that the holidays are a stressful time for many of us as well. Is it really too far fetched to say that might not be a coincidence? 

These days, it seems just as common to see cold and frustrated families building a snowman - that no one wanted to build in the first place - as it is to see Christmas lights adorning yards and rooftops. Arguments about family time and hurt feelings can be as rampant during the holidays as Santa or turkeys. All for the sake of tradition. Perhaps it's about time we give ourselves permission to deviate from tradition in favor of focusing on what the holidays are really about.

Holiday Downfalls

The fact is that plenty of people don't even like a lot of the customary traditions that come with the holiday season.  Americans still prefer red meat over any other, accounting for 58% of the meat consumed in the United States, and 64% of Americans would like to see something other than turkey on the Thanksgiving table. Social media and internet content are brimming with arguments about whether candy corn and candy canes even taste good and why we still see them on grocery store shelves. A survey in 2018 indicated that 36% of Americans were stressed about something related to family interactions during Thanksgiving, with the specific stress of family drama leading the way. Another unfortunate reality is that the holidays also tend to come with greater levels of depression and even darker crises, usually connected with debt, grief, or stress, which defeats the purpose of the holiday season on so many levels. 

Change the Holiday Table Setting

Stepping away from traditions can be portrayed as "Scroogey" or "Grinchy", and no one wants to be the party pooper. However, if traditions are already causing us so much stress, maybe it's worth it to give them - and ourselves - a break and risk that fallout. Not to say that all holiday traditions should be thrown out the window, only those that no longer bring joy and connection. It is no crime to examine the typical holiday happenings and renovate the traditional schedule to a happier, healthier one.

• Religious aspects of the holidays make you uncomfortable? Maybe forget the manger and focus on the big man in the red suit or the snowman with a corncob pipe. 

• Dividing time between families causing tension with your partner? Why not try skipping the big family meal this year and go on a vacation together or with the kids - taking an hour or so to call or FaceTime the families from the beach.

• Certain holiday activities bring painful memories of the past or a loved one? There is no law preventing you from replacing that activity with a new one to find rebirth and save yourself the heartache.

• Can't stand turkey but eat it every year anyway? Consider BBQ ribs or even tofu as an alternative - whatever feels like a celebration to you. 

Wrapping It Up

The holidays do not - and should not - have to be about self-sacrifice for the sake of doing what we've always done. The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, gratitude, and connection. Enjoy finding your own traditions that serve you and don't be afraid to add them to the list of traditions you do love, cutting out the ones you don't. Give yourself permission to relish the holiday season. Give yourself permission to say no to unhappiness this year. Give yourself permission to deviate.